Links 27.08.2026

Forgiveness and other impossible things

What the bleep do we know about love?

Do we invest in dating?

Valentine’s Day – do you love it or hate it?

Confronting jealousy

Why it is easier to ignore your personal life

How To Heal After A Break-up

What if you got to do-over a dating mistake?

It all happened in a matter of seconds.

I was driving to the gym for an evening workout. I was less than a block away from my destination when-- WHAM-- I heard and felt impact on my car. The next thing I knew my car is filled with air bags and dust.

Disoriented, I climbed out of my car. After thankfully noting that, aside from feeling shaken up and a bit battered, I was okay, I reached for my cell phone and dialed 911. As I waited for police and fire fighters to arrive, I declared my gratitude for my well-being considering what had just happened. As I looked at my now-totaled car, it was clear that things could have been a lot worse.

A potentially life-threatening experience such as a car wreck quickly shifts perspective. Along with bruises, bumps and aches come some very valuable lessons that transcend cars, collisions and dealing with insurance companies.

Here are 7 life lessons that I have learned...

#1: Be aware and stay awake.

In the wreck I had, the other driver was cited for failing to stop at a stop sign. Clearly, the guy wasn't aware as he blasted through the intersection and into my car.

At the same time, I could have been more “awake” and aware too.

How many times are any of us thinking about other things or kind of zoned out as we move through life? This might happen as we are driving in the car, at work, talking with our kids or partner or doing other things.

What happens when we aren't “awake?” We don't really hear what other people are saying to us and we miss out on vital signals...sometimes these are signals that could help us avoid pain, conflict and loss.

#2: Do a thorough self-check.

In those surreal moments just after the cars collided, I mentally tuned in to my body (as best as I could). I made sure that I wasn't seriously injured or bleeding. I noticed if my vision was blurry and anything else that would require attention from the EMTs. Thankfully, I felt relatively okay.

It is beneficial to regularly check in with yourself-- not just when you've been through trauma like a car accident.

You could do a self-check in the morning before you get out of bed, at night before you go to sleep and maybe even at lunch too. What a self-check does is provide you with valuable information.

This isn't merely a time to notice that your neck is stiff, your stomach hurts or you have a headache, though those are helpful things to know. A self-check also includes how you are feeling. Where are tense and tight? What annoyances or hurt feelings have been triggered and need taken care of?

The beauty of really knowing how you are is that you can meet your needs and soothe yourself sooner and more effectively.

#3: Ask for help when you need it.

For sure, after the car accident I needed to ask people for help. As I waited in the cold, wet night for the police to fill out forms, I realized that I was now without a car. I had no way to pick up my son, get myself home and then, later, get my husband from work. I also needed someone to comfort and give me a hug.

Thankfully, I had dear family who readily came and supported me in the ways I needed.

There are so many times in our lives when we don't ask for help. These might be times of crisis or when everyday challenges arise. We either don't want to inconvenience others or we believe they won't help in the “right” way. Sometimes we don't want to feel indebted to another person.

There are all kinds of reasons why many of us suffer and struggle alone rather than ask for and receive help. If you can recognize this habit within yourself, acknowledge it. Understand why and then invite yourself to open up to the support that is there for you.

#4: Never assume.

In a time of crisis, so many assumptions can jump to mind and take over, if they are allowed to. For example, after asking if I was okay, one of my sons immediately began to angrily denounce the other driver for not having insurance. This wasn't true at all but it's what he incorrectly guessed.

It's too easy to collapse into fears and panic when facts are unclear or unknown.

The best advice is to never assume. Recognize your fears as they well up and get information that is reliable. Ask questions and figure out options. In most cases, there is a solution that will meet everyone's needs. Operating from facts instead of assumptions is, by far, the best way to get the results that you desire.

#5: Stay present.

Even as I watched fire fighters clean up the pieces of my car strewn across the intersection, I started to worry about the future. I worried about how my husband and I would afford to replace our car. I worried about what would happen to my insurance rates. I worried about any lingering physical or emotional effects from the wreck.

None of that worrying was helpful. No amount of worrying about what could happen in the future is helpful in any situation. Period.

Be present. When your mind starts to go off into “what ifs,” stop the thoughts. Come back to what's going on right here and right now. Ask yourself what is true for you in this moment and what you need in this moment.

The present moment is where all of your power resides, so be there.

#6: Remember to breathe.

There is no doubt in my mind that remembering to breathe was a crucial part of me getting through the trauma of that night. When my mother came to get me at the crash site, she and I held each other and we both breathed. As shock and shivers set in, I sat and breathed.

It doesn't matter whether you are dealing with your average, ordinary stressful and busy day or you are going through a serious crisis, remind yourself to breathe. I mean, consciously breathe.

Of course, you're breathing all of the time because you're alive. Be fully alive and give yourself the support of freely flowing oxygen by intentionally breathing deeply and slowly (or as slowly as you can manage). By simply concentrating on your breath and nothing else for even a few seconds, you give yourself the benefit of a clearer mind and a more relaxed body.

This allows you to respond to whatever is going on in your life instead of merely reacting.

#7: Don't take anything (or anyone) for granted.

For sure, going through something like a car accident puts everything in perspective. I look at my husband, my sons, my mother and others whom I dearly love and I feel immense gratitude that I get to spend more time with them. Brushing up against death is a stark reminder that none of us are immortal.

The great news is that none of us has to have a life-threatening experience to know this. No matter how irritated you get by the people in your life, really look at them and cultivate gratitude for your relationship with them.

Life is a gift. Live it that way.

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