If you struggle with low self esteem, you've probably already heard the advice that you should offer more of your time and energy to self-care.

This really does make sense. When you treat yourself better, you generally feel better...and more worthy of that care too.

For many of us, “self-care” brings to mind actions like bubble baths, massages, pedicures, facials, eating healthier, getting better rest at night, and exercise.

These are all great and they can certainly help you to remember and know how special you truly are.

But, for the most part, all of these actions commonly associated with self-care are secondary. None of them really get to the root of low self esteem.

I love getting a massage from time and time and when I make the appointment and spend the money for a massage, I am required to value myself enough to actually do it.

To get to that place where I will pick up the phone, make that appointment and spend that money, however, there's inner self-care that needs to happen first.

It's kind of like the proverbial chicken and egg conundrum. Which came first?

Which happens first? That internal knowing that you are worth the time, energy and (possibly) money that it takes to offer yourself extra special care OR is it that the action itself helps a person prove that he or she is worth it.

I believe that you can use action-oriented self-care (such as the bubble bath, massage, spa visit, and even exercise and healthier eating) in order to build feelings of increased self worth.

But it doesn't always work out. If you don't feel worthy or valuable enough for that extra special care in the first place, you may go ahead and do it but you might come away from your luxurious spa visit feeling guilty which further cements low self esteem.

Treat Yourself to Regular Inner Self-Care...

I'm all for massages and spa visits for those who enjoy them.

At the same time, I urge every person who struggles low self esteem-- and that's a lot of us-- to treat ourselves to inner self-care. Here are some examples...

*Question your thoughts.
Do you pay attention to the thoughts that rumble through your head through the day? If you have low self esteem, it's likely that the bulk of these thoughts center on how inadequate, imperfect or insignificant you think that you are.

Get into the habit of noticing what you are thinking and then questioning those thoughts. You can learn more about Byron Katie's thought-questioning technique “The Work” and apply it to your everyday living.

The trick here is to recognize when a thought is triggering difficult feelings for you that feed your low self esteem. Recognize this WITHOUT judging yourself for having such a thought.

Then, as you use a technique such as Katie's “The Work,” you can begin to question whether or not that thought is actually true. Even if you believe that it is true, you can ask yourself how you feel when you think that thought.

When you question your thoughts, you create space within yourself. You might find that this increased space is very different from what you are used to-- low self esteem thrives on firmly-held and rigid energy.

So the self-care gift to yourself when you question your thoughts is the gift of space. Within this expanded space you can steer yourself away from the self-limiting thoughts and beliefs and begin to form new ones that are supportive and affirming.

*Relax from deep within
Another way to practice inner self-care is to learn how to relax... I mean really relax.

Sure, it can be relaxing to watch television or go to the movies. If you want to boost self esteem from the inside out-- which is what inner self-care can do for you-- it's vital that you also learn how to relax from deep within.

There are many relaxation products and techniques available. You can read about various ways to relax at the Personal Growth Planet Relaxation page.

To get you started, here are a few basic pointers...

Find a quiet place where you will not be interrupted for even 5 or 10 minutes of relaxation each day.

Pay attention to your breathing. Draw your breath up from your lower abdomen in easy, gentle inhales and exhales taken through the nose.

Quiet your mind. You can mentally set aside all of your thoughts for the time being and focus mainly on your breathing-- in and out, in and out.

Visualize. You can also “go” to a place that is soothing, calm and peaceful. For some people this is a mental trip to the ocean; for others, it's a forest. Whatever environment helps you to relax, “go” there in your mind and really tune into the aspects of that place that feel nurturing to you.

The beauty of inner self-care is that it can help you to not only challenge your low self esteem beliefs, it also provides you with the space and calm to choose a different way of living...the way of loving and valuing yourself.

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